Tuesday, September 25, 2012

31 of 40 - 9 more weeks!

Waiting to become a father is both exciting and anxious in the same instance.  Exciting for obvious reasons: knowing you created life, seeing some sort of measure as a human in your child face, feeling unconditionally devoted to someone other than yourself, experiencing the love and wonder a baby can bring.  Having completed 31 of approximately 40 weeks, this building of anticipation to hold your own little miracle in the world can seem painfully timeless.  To have so much love for someone you have yet to meet only to witness as little blimps and bumps on your woman's belly is a wonder I have to remind myself to breathe.  I'm stoked to meet this little baby bok choy as we have characteristically nick-named the kid.

And then there's the anxiety of being the supreme provider and super dad with nothing short of god-like powers.  How the F*&@ do you change a diaper, should I watch the baby coming out of the cooch, if my kid misses just a bit during potty training should I reward or say "try harder?"  So many questions being a first time dad.  Having all these questions, makes me think of my dad.  How it was never the end result that made him happy but the process of doing and learning.  He has been the best dad: devoted, selfless, caring.  He has never hugged or told me he loved me but he would drive me to hockey as a kid at 6am and til this day still tailor's every new pants I buy.  My parents gave me what they could and as a kid that was "almost" always good enough.  Being an adult now, I know everything they provided was more then enough.

I really don't know what to expect when I do become a father in about 8-10 weeks but I do know that it's going to be like my first day kindergarten:  Excited to get there, anxiously waiting but determined to be the best.

Baby E, we'll see you soon.