Ender Ming Kit Lui - I made this

And 40 weeks later, this pops out... 

When you're kid-less, it's hard to imagine taking care of anything or one but yourself.  Especially living in Toronto where "last call" symbolized when the night really began.  Living the urban life is a freedom to over consume, over indulge, over spend and take all the time you needed to recover, heal or save back up.  While I knew I wanted to have kids, I also had this feeling, or rather, fear that I would have to give up urban-hood.  I guess a city will do that to you... the excitement, the thrills, the sensory overload that we've all become accustomed to living in vibrant urbantopia.  I really milked the life experiences city life had to offer. 

And then Ender came along.  It started off with just a simple "+" sign on a pee stick, then a black and white flimsy paper of a little peanut head and twiggly legs.  Then, I noticed the million different stroller brands that passed by me on the streets, mall and intersections.  I couldn't stop reading prego books on "how your child is doing now at week..." It wasn't about "last call" it was about "The Call" when Rachelle was ready to go to the hospital.  Ender became my City... the excitement, the thrill, the sensory overload he gives me when I just sit and gaze at him.  Living life with Ender has been a freedom of purpose, providing and worth - and it hasn't been three weeks yet.  I really am going to milk the life experience Ender has to offer. 

Ender Ming Kit Lui, 7lbs,13ozs - 11/22/12

Thank you Shirlyn.  He's always in my thoughts.

Remember the times.................

Remember the times we shared you and I ?
Growing up as kids, endless summers gone by?
The mischief the laughter, the countless banter,
all things to remember?

Remember the times, we talked forever,
dreams of being rich, and things we lusted for?
The schemes, the plans, we shared together?
My life, your life, hand in hand...my brother?

Remember the times, you spent with me
right from childhood into puberty?
Following every step of the way,
a phone call, a text, night and day, not far away?

Remember the times, everything I had, I shared with you?
My pains, my thoughts, my plans to push us through ?
Our life`s lessons, ups and downs,
Serious..yet having time to goof around?

Remember the times, how we talked about our future?
All the things we would love to capture?
Seeming as though life was forever,
hustling to make another dollar?

Remember the times we should have called it quits?
Especially when I first took sick?
Never thinking that life could end this quick?
Taking for granted the clock that ticks?

Remember the times, through many lectures,
I quoted only “family” matters?
The memories, the stories, the life I chose to live,
some things I which I could take back to give?

Life though short, comes with many lessons,
good and bad, many blessings!
It`s not the frivolous things that survive,
But how we choose to live our lives!
remembering all the good times………

To my bro....forever to remember!!
Love Ming your bro.....

31 of 40 - 9 more weeks!

Waiting to become a father is both exciting and anxious in the same instance.  Exciting for obvious reasons: knowing you created life, seeing some sort of measure as a human in your child face, feeling unconditionally devoted to someone other than yourself, experiencing the love and wonder a baby can bring.  Having completed 31 of approximately 40 weeks, this building of anticipation to hold your own little miracle in the world can seem painfully timeless.  To have so much love for someone you have yet to meet only to witness as little blimps and bumps on your woman's belly is a wonder I have to remind myself to breathe.  I'm stoked to meet this little baby bok choy as we have characteristically nick-named the kid.

And then there's the anxiety of being the supreme provider and super dad with nothing short of god-like powers.  How the F*&@ do you change a diaper, should I watch the baby coming out of the cooch, if my kid misses just a bit during potty training should I reward or say "try harder?"  So many questions being a first time dad.  Having all these questions, makes me think of my dad.  How it was never the end result that made him happy but the process of doing and learning.  He has been the best dad: devoted, selfless, caring.  He has never hugged or told me he loved me but he would drive me to hockey as a kid at 6am and til this day still tailor's every new pants I buy.  My parents gave me what they could and as a kid that was "almost" always good enough.  Being an adult now, I know everything they provided was more then enough.

I really don't know what to expect when I do become a father in about 8-10 weeks but I do know that it's going to be like my first day kindergarten:  Excited to get there, anxiously waiting but determined to be the best.

Baby E, we'll see you soon.

Grabbing Momentum

It's been a long time since I wrote - I guess it takes time to get life back on track. But that's the good thing, it eventually always does so long as you let it. I had a dream yesterday. I was a hockey coach and our team had lost momentum. No one was following the plans set out and we were losing all the battles. My players were deflated and lacked motivation. In my dream, in desperation, I told each player to do one thing they were known for on their next shift. If you were meant to hit and be a grinder, focus on that one small task. If you were a score or play maker, make sure you get one shot on the next shift. Each player picked one talent they excelled in amongst a gambit of skills required to play hockey and just did that one thing right on their next shift. From that, momentum built and players felt more confident, I felt more confident. From one good skill turned into a host of capabilities that we all achieved together. 

Pretty serious dream I guess. But I think that's the secret. When things are not going as planned and all hell seems to be breaking loose, pick one thing you are sure of and focus on that; win that battle and eventually you'll win the day.  I think it's all about rhythm and find the right cords that bring back each situation into your desired outcome.

In my line of work, my career depends on problem solving and gaining momentum to quickly overcome the tougher times in a business life cycle. If a solution doesn't come quickly like a writer having writer's block, I'll try to be that coach in my dream and encourage utilizing known skills of a talent before venturing into more difficult assignments as a team/company.  Find some rhythm and eventually piece by piece, you'll have a song.

Elle sent this to me today... Only fitting. Ma Blonde.

             '-To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.'

Picture of my newest niece - Too young to feel deflated but when she is, I'll know what to say.

Ming and I spent a great deal of time together both kids and adults.

As a kid, I always spent my summers at Ming’s parents. Mrs. Kwok was always quick to use the extra hands to mow the lawn, clean the house, help with the cooking – Ming was always quick to teach me the fastest yet most effective way to do each task.

I remember one summer Ming was a paperboy… I actually think it only lasted a couple of days; Ming hated working for “the Man” even back then. Now, I don’t recall the child labour laws back then but I was only seven or eight when Ming got me to tag along. A Toronto Star van would pick us up and drop off each kid in a designated paper delivery area. The van driver said whoever could deliver the most papers would get a prize at the end of the day. Ming as we all know him, devised a plan for us to split up and cover more area – it probably wasn’t the safest for a seven year old boy but by the end of the day, Ming and I ended up winning the prize: a Toronto Star ruler that had a calculator and time on it.
It was one of the first things that I truly earned in my life – I think I still have the calculator at my parent’s house.

Ming was always an opportunist.

When Ming found me with a huge bag of marbles that I told him I won them from kids at school. In typical Ming fashion, he took me to where he knew kids played marbles. “Lose the first couple of games” he told me, “make him feel good.” Ming then enticed the kid to play double or nothing and when the kid say, “ok.” Ming told me to beat him. Even as kids, we learned how to hustle.
To take it a step further, not only did we win all the marbles, we sold them back to the kids to buy candy and pop at the corner store.

But the thing I remember most as kids was one particular fall day. We played road hockey. With all the kids 3-5 years older then me, I always got the shaft and had to play goalie. We didn’t have money back than so we had to take Ming’s moms couch cushion and duck tape them around my legs and used a BMX bike helmet, two sizes too big as a goalie mask. The other goalie had all the official gear: road hockey pads, mask, trapper, blocker and even a goalie stick – We were lucky to have hockey stick that wasn’t nailed together with two different pieces of wood.
I remember playing my heart out that day and stopped every shot that came. We won the road hockey game and it was in large part due to my contribution.
That night, Ming praised me for how good I played and we dreamed and laughed about how fun the day was.
Ming then grabbed a small white plastic suitcase and put $5 in it. “Whatever money we earn or get, we’ll put it into this suitcase and save up for goalie pads.” That’s the kind of person Ming was, even as a kid, he always knew you could attain so much more when you do things together. That’s the way Ming and I always lived.

While Ming was very pragmatic about everything he did, he always supported everyone in following their dreams. Ming did whatever he could to help.

A big part of me was lost when Ming died but I know he’s given me more then enough to walk tall in this world. Ming may have died much too soon but he lived more then 10 lifetimes worth of experiences. You’ll be in my steps forever bro.

Never has there ever been a person to push me so hard than Ming. While my parents and family supported and loved me, he always nudged me to do more. He taught me that when you're comfortable, it means you are not striving to your true potential - Don't be afraid to fail.
As children growing up, I absorbed many of his dreams to be a provider and desire to make an imprint on this planet. We committed to tasks with purpose and motivation - whenever I was tired or lazy, he'd call me out and made sure I looked at the "big picture." We tinkered with electronics, built bike ramps and forts - it was him that I learned "if you are not going to do something right, than don't do it at all." He showed me how to formulate a plan and execute the follow through; he gave me patience and poise. We didn't come from wealth so we had to hustle and use our imagination to make due. He had some harebrained ideas that seemed impossible... but he made them happen.
He always tried to bring out the best in me and never let me cut corners. We became men together, depending on each other on the most difficult of tasks. "Two heads are better than one..."

Ming, my brother, I love you. In my steps forever.

WL

My peeps, life isn't easy or sometimes fair but if you can give to Kristen and Krystal's RESP fund - I'd know their lives would be put on the right tracks.

Love you guys... more than you'll ever know.

Kristen & Krystal from Mr.W on Vimeo.